


Frayed Knots

by raevenly



Category: Kiesha'ra Series - Amelia Atwater-Rhodes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:41:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29216592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raevenly/pseuds/raevenly
Summary: All the disconnected bits and bobs from Ties That Bind that don't have a home yet. Consider each chapter is own deal unless otherwise specified
Relationships: Adelina (Hawksong)/Zane Cobriana, Andreios (Hawksong)/Danica Shardae, Zane Cobriana/Andreios (Hawksong), Zane Cobriana/Danica Shardae
Kudos: 3





	1. Kel POV Snakecharm start

**Author's Note:**

> Because of COURSE I got distracted by other ideas along the way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Backlist and Chill got my gears turning, so I wanted to try my hand at retelling Snakecharm from Kel's POV. Also, I had kind of wanted to know what the wider world thought of the serpiente/avian war, so my idea was kind of like to have Kel tell all the various stories of how people say the war started, since Kel's whole deal is she knows the truth--idk. Something may or may not become of this but I had fun indulging in this distraction :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha'Shmla translations here (pardon the grammar if its wildly wrong)
> 
> la’Kel’jaes’oisna’wimheah’ona’saniet - Kel's name and titles, lifted directly from Snakecharm. jaes'oisna is indigo choir (literally jewel indigo i think?) wimheah is totally lost on me, but ona'saniet is definitely empress's mercy
> 
> sneska’sine, mana’ka-la’Kel. - discarded and dismissed, master of nothing (which I thought worked pretty okay for "basically I have no titles now I guess")
> 
> la’Kel’halaur. la’Kel’nira. - I am Kel the Interloper. I am Kel the Alone. (look, the ha'Shmla dictionary is FULL of good words for angst. it's like, begging to be used for this sort of thing)

_ They say the war between the serpiente and the avians was started over the death of a monarch. Each side claims betrayal by the other, a beloved queen or prince stabbed in the back, the other murdered in retaliation. Feather and scale tell the same tale, with only minor trivialities reversed. If they bothered to put down their weapons long enough to realize the sameness of it, they would learn these similarities are only the first of many. They might reflect on their shared language, the symbols and mythological figures only slightly adjusted from one people to the next, as the stars change position only slightly in the sky unless a truly significant amount of time has passed. _

__

_ In the schemes as grand as those of the sky, they have been at war for almost no time at all. _

__

_ Of course, with lives so often cut short by bloodshed, it is easy to see how a handful of centuries can seem more significant than they really are. _

__

_ The stars do not change over Ahnmik, though I know they should. The heavens seem to revolve around the White City, a celestial mirror of the twisting paths down below. All lead back to the Empress Cjarsa, every step, every star, every story. _

__

_ Even theirs. _

__

_ Even mine. _

_ X _

My name is--was-- _la’Kel’jaes’oisna’wimheah’ona’saniet_. Dancer of the Indigo Choir, Member of the Empress’s Mercy. I have not danced since I left the island who’s song haunts my dreams. And I am now sworn to a different queen, one who should shine as brightly with golden power as my lady does with silver. I hear echoes of both in her song, see shades of the choirs when she and her serpiente mate dance.

Tuuli Thea and Naga, Danica Shardae.

Diente and alastair, Zane Cobriana.

_sneska’sine, mana’ka-la’Kel._ Sparrow guard in the Royal Flight, Erica Silvermead.

None of us are as we ought to be. All of us have been torn, have lost something essential, have had hopes and dreams and loves stolen away by a pointless war. But at least... at least they have each other. I...

_ la’Kel’halaur. la’Kel’nira. _

I move through my morning exercises, shaping the forms of the soldier’s warm up with ease. They do little to chase away the dreams of the White City, but they are familiar, and they are expected. I hide among soldiers who were raised only to fight and now must learn peace. I hide among people as lost in their own skins as I.

But they are working to become whole, to mend the rift one day at a time.

What am I working towards?

I run towards tomorrow, but only because it is in the direction of away from yesterday. I do not know yet if there is any hope in it, any future. A shadow hangs over any promise that might shine in this land.

As as I complete my morning exercises, a shadow passes over the courtyard, a silhouette of too familiar wings.


	2. The mess that started it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing new from when it was posted under Ties That Bind, just cleaned up ALL THE RED SQUIGGLES OMFG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since Ties That Bind has Become A Thing, I moved its disconnected bits over to here. This is the first bit I wrote for it, where I literally sat down and started typing direction from Hawksong until the words started to diverge. It begins on pg 213, and probably won't actually wind up back in Ties That Bind. I don't think it fits anymore, or rather, won't fit once whatever TTB will have become once it hits that point. If they all diverge too much, I'll just have to go back and write some more smutty one offs like this and leave TTB to be all plottacular or whatever

Because Ollivier Hennis is an enabler, and because qaraxzenith has been egging me on about our favorite OT3 since forever

pg 213

Though Zane made every attempt to hide it, his dark mood persisted for the rest of the day. In front of avians who had not spent as much time with him as I had recently, he must have simply seemed more subdued than usual-- a favorable turn in the eyes of the court, with which we spent most of the day.

The two serpiente merchants, however, exchanged worried glances during the short conversation they had with Zane and me while we were ciruclating the market.

“It has been a trying few days,” Zane apologized as he excused himself early that evening.

The sky was well past dark and court had begun to tire when I politely followed Zane’s lead. I wanted to talk to him, but what would I say? I did care for him in a way; and lusted after him, certainly. But I knew that wary affection and chaste kisses was not what he sought and would bring him little comfort.

After several hours of tossing and turning in my own bed, I flew to the fifth floor and knocked lightly on Andreios’s door.

Rei did not appear surprised to see me; he invited me into his study, bidding me close the door behind me.

“You’re worried about Zane,” he predicted, before I could even begin to figure out how to broach the subject. I had confided in Rei most of my life, but that didn’t make this conversation any easier.

“He’s been... tense for weeks.” That was putting it lightly, but that was what my people did; we tiptoed, we understated. We ignored. I couldn’t keep ignoring this. “You two were speaking about something this morning, something that upset him. Can you tell me what?”

“Fate,” Rei answered after a moment. I could tell that the conversation was eating away at him, as surely as it had been Zane. He paused, took a moment to gather his words, then asked bluntly, “Do you lust after him?”

The question more than startled me, which was my only excuse for my equally blunt, “All the time. But Zane--“

Zane was accustomed to an expression of love that was utterly alien to me. How could you raise a hand in harm to someone you were supposed to love, no matter how they insisted they enjoy it? And how could I, his previous enemy, dare strike him? He’d reassured me it was an act of love, but I could not see it as anything other than an act of war. With peace so tenuous, so new--

“Do you trust him?”

Again, Rei caught me off guard, and my thoughts became such a tangled mess that it was impossible to pick one threat to follow.

“If you were falling,” Rei pressed, “would you trust him to catch you? Would you trust him to never harm you, no matter what it might gain him?”

Oh, if only Rei knew how closely his words hit on the tangle in my heart.

“Would you trust him to risk his own life for yours, without hesitation?”

I thought back to the look in his eyes as he pledged himself as my alastair. His carefully chosen wording, his even more carefully guarded expression. Only his eyes had revealed the inner struggle, had tried to show me some kind of secret message, some meaning I’d still yet to unravel...

I should be having this conversation with him.

“Rei, I--“

“He said you were passionate,” Rei continued, seemingly determined to carry on with the words he’d probably been rehearsing all day. “He spoke of the bravery you showed in the synkal, of the light in your eyes as you walked among his people. He asked how you’d ever survived in a court so cold, or if avians ever “took the dampers off their lanterns and let themselves truly shine”.”

I could hear the familiar cadence of my pair bond in my best friend’s words. I could Zane in my mind’s eye, those eyes shining with his inner truth, the serpiente fire that he’d had to dampen all this week to be with me. How could it must be leaving him now, without any other light to shine through the night with his.

And just as clearly, I saw him in Adelina’s embrace, her hand wrapped tight around his throat as she’d kissed him--

Rei took me by the shoulders, shaking me from my inner world. I’d missed whatever else he’d been saying, lost in my own thoughts.

“And he said,” Rei repeated, words soft and close. It was the only way to keep the emotion from his voice, to barely give them breath to leave him on. “That you deserved love. That you deserved someone... with whom you could laugh or cry without hiding your face.”

I winced and shut my eyes against the intense blush I felt heating my cheeks. It had become habit now, hiding away every time Zane and I had come close to, close to...

“I love you.”

Rei’s words brushed against my lips, my eyes flying open with shock. Just in time to see my captain of the guard close his own, head tilting at a soft angle to--

“Oh!”

I leapt back from him, heart thundering in my throat. My cry brought the guard spilling in from the hallway and balcony alike, their constant, unobtrusive presence painting a layer of mortification to the hot shame already flaming my face. Rei swore and barked a quick command, ordering them all to leave, but it was only at my own too rapid nodding that they departed, taking to wing or foot, returning to their discreet distance.

But the moment was broken, and now I had two hearts in my hands.

_\-- and then some time passed because this is literally my second ever fanficiton and I want to focus on my POINT (I swear I have one)--_

Zane and Rei sat as far away from each other as physically possible. Zane lounged casually spilled across the chair, legs over one arm of it, casual mask of arrogant indifference firmly in place. I wanted to snap at him, “now who’s hiding?” But I was about to ask him to reveal so much more--no, now was not the time for fights.

Rei stood at careful attention, falling back on that soldier’s ready that he wore as an extra layer to his avian reserve. He never relaxed in the serpiente lands--honestly, I doubted he even slept--but this had been the only place I could think of to get us any modicum of privacy. The avian guards were everywhere in the Keep, in discreet sparrow and raven form, and surrounded us as a matter of habit everywhere we went. Here, in the heart of Zane’s palace, only Adelina or Ailbhe would be outside the door. It had taken all of my courage to ask the white viper to ensure it would be him tonight. I think only my blush convinced him, or maybe compassion for his misplaced sister.

Maybe I should have called for her, I thought, struggling to gather my thoughts--or more accurately, my nerve. I’d already spent hours upon hours on this particular thought; it was calling it into action that was the hard part.

“Rei, for the love of the skies will you please sit down?”

I couldn’t pick at Zane in my nervousness, but I could absolutely direct it at Rei. I couldn’t possibly make him more uncomfortable, and maybe the bickering would call to mind our childhood teasing--oh to hell with it.

“Gentlemen, I need to be blunt.”

I took my own seat on the edge of the bed, the only remaining surface to do so, and faced my men. My men. Skies preserve us, what was I doing?

My eyes flicked to Zane, who surprisingly didn’t’ offer any snarky commentary. Was I getting better at not hiding my moods? Was he able to sense the direction I hoped this all would go? If so, what on earth did he make of Rei’s inclusion in the room? Witness to the royal bedding? My cheeks burned, and I met his eyes to steel myself. Challenging Zane had become my own personal wellspring of courage lately.

“Zane has certain needs, and I am at a loss as to how to meet them. Rei, I know you and Zane have talked--” and an idea occurred to me as I looked to my carefully perched captain, “and I appreciate you reaching out to him. I thank you for being his friend and ally in these stressful times.”

Rei coughed, and Zane outright laughed, a bitter, dark, sardonic sound.

“We’ve not done more than talk, my lovely Naga, if that’s why you’ve included him tonight. He is not the bridge that will connect our beds.”

“Zane!”

Rei barked the sound, making us all jump, even Rei. His gaze dropped to his hands, which were clenched into tight fists that had started to shake.

“Please do not speak so to our Tuuli Thea when I am present.”

The words came out as grist through the mill of his grinding teeth. And just like that, I knew my plan would work. Maybe not perfectly, but it would work.

I stood, coming to “bridge the gap” as Zane had so elegantly put it, between my two men.

“Gentlemen.”

My voice was soft as I knelt between them, holding a hand out to them both. Zane looked at me quizzically, but knelt to join me, intrigued by whatever game I was offering. Rei’s gaze stayed locked on his first.

“Andreios.”

He looked at me then, with such a lost look that it made me gasp. His eyes were drowning deep, fathomless and adrift, and too full and shiny bright. All of that emotion, quivering on the edge of that avian reserve.

“Rei.”

I whispered his name, soft and gentle, and held my hand higher. His fingers uncurled, but he couldn’t bring himself to reach out. Tugging Zane gently along behind him, I leaned towards Rei, placing my hand in his.

I saw the moment he packed it all away, locked the door on his heart, and steeled himself to do his duty, whatever it was I was about to ask of him. It nearly broke my heart, let alone my resolve.

“Yes, my queen?”

I released a careful breath, walking that line between calm and reserve. I could be calm without shutting myself away. I squeezed Zane’s hand, reassuring him that I had not forgotten him, that I wasn’t going to hide, but that I needed to gather my strength.

“Rei, Zane: I am asking you both, not as your Naga or Tuuli Thea, but as your mutual friend, for help.”

There was only quiet for one heart beat, two, then Zane said,

“And am I your friend, Danica?”

I turned to look at him then, hidden behind his own careful mask. Had he come to me with that mask, or had he learned it in his weeks at the court? Learned it in his weeks with me, denied again and again.

Still holding tight to Rei’s hand, I turned, and kissed Zane.

It was a chaste, avian kiss, the only kind I currently knew how to give, but holding the hands of not one but two men, I thought perhaps I was learning to bend.

_[beeeeeat????]_

“Dani, why am I here?”

I startled as I remembered Rei behind us. I hadn’t exactly forgotten him, his hand still warm in mind, but I had pulled the bulk of my attention to soothing Zane. Rei had been willing to humor his monarch, but I didn’t need my soldier. I needed my friend.

Eyes dropping to my lap, I drew a deep breath, and told them why they were here.

“Last week, Rei asked me a very important question. He asked me if I trust you, Zane.”

I felt both men go still beside me, and I wondered briefly what Rei had told him of that encounter, if anything. How did you tell someone you confessed love to their wife? I let it go; we’d have plenty of time to talk later, if this all went well.

“I’ve given it a lot of thought, and the answer is yes, and no.”

I turned to Zane now, trying to open my face, trying to show him the light he so desperately needed to see.

“I don’t understand you, Zane, and without that, there can’t be trust, or love.”

He started to pull his hand from mine, and I let him, but only so that I could bring my hand up to his face.

“But I admire you, and I am attracted to you, and... I want to understand you.”

Zane’s jaw was tight with emotion, strong and hard under my hand. That beautiful jaw, that I’d studied covertly on all our walks through the market and court, so close, and yet so far as he emotionally pulled away.

“I’m with Andreios; why is he here, Danica? If you fear I might try to hurt you during our lovemaking, I will remind you again that I prefer to be on the receiving end of things, not the inflicting.”

My cheeks flamed, and I felt Rei’s hand tense in mine. Before Rei could admonish him, however, I spoke, the words coming out in a tumbling rush.

“I know, and I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and--“

My eyes squeezed shut of their own accord. I’d promised not to hide, but I couldn’t confront this this headlong. I needed a little distance. I pulled my hands back from my men, curling them into tight little fists on my lap.

“Rei is more skilled with the use of weapons than I, and he has more actual fire than I do when I comes to those kinds of emotions. I don’t personally want to hurt you, Zane, and Rei does. Of the pair of us, he’s the only one who wants to bring you pain.”

I flashed between them in the stunned silence, searching their faces for any kind of reaction. When neither spoke, my fists pounded against my legs in frustration.

“Say something!”

To my surprise, it was Rei, who met my not quite suggestion with an incredulous laugh.

“Dani, that is the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”

Zane sat back, leaning back on his hands. “Quite right. The idea of such play is play, my Naga, not actual destructive intent. Even if I were mad enough to allow myself to be bound and placed at his mercy, your guard captain would kill me.”

“I wouldn’t let him!”

Indignation was feeding on the buried coals of my embarrassment, both flaring to hot life. _Isn’t this what you wanted_ , I thought at Zane in bitter irony, _more emotion from me, bringing to light the nasty things I keep hidden?_

He laughed at me, fueling my outrage.

“I wouldn’t! Rei would be there to administer the pain, and I--“

“You’d what, little hawk?”

Zane’s voice was utterly cool, in sharp contrast to my hot display. Rei was a void at my back, gone utterly still in his avian reserve. I chose him at the better target, whirling on my guard and best friend.

“Say something.”

He gave me a long, slow blink. “What, my queen, could I possibly say to what you are proposing?”

_[and that’s the steam run out XD]_


	3. Weapons? In the Bedroom????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same as when it was at the start of Ties That Bind, just relocated and cleaned up
> 
> A scene imagined to have happened somewhere after the announcement of Danica as Naga, with a little more violent response (which I have not yet written because of course I haven't what even is order)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This feels like it could still fit with the first blarg of a mess that started it all. Like, I guess, on one hand, it COULD all still be TTB, but I feel like TTB has an entire different focus (not that I know what that is yet. vibe then maybe?) and kinksha'ra should get its own spotlight. Its a fun idea, and honestly I love all the kink that could have been in these books (this whole world tbh) if it wasn't YA. Leatherfamily Midnight Predator AU is still a definitely possibility

The instant we were alone, Zane’s posture dropped.

Among his people, Zane had been hard and proud--approachable, but the steel beneath had been plainly visible. He was a seasoned warrior, accustomed to having blood on his own hands. I felt foolish and soft beside him, a coddled chick in a caged nest of precaution. They had told me it was not my place to walk the fields, let alone to think of leading on them. That was what my generals were for, and I should let them to their duty. Zane’s people listened because he led them, and bled them.

But the moment the door closed, he seemed to shrink. Not diminish--it was more like a cat finally relaxing, dropping the arch and fluff of posturing. Now he was sleek and smooth and sinuous--a fact I couldn’t help but notice as he swayed across the room to the wash basin. The water went cloudy crimson with the outcrier's blood, washed as calmly from Zane’s hands as he might take off a boot, unlace his shirt. I felt heat rise to my face at the thought.

I looked around the room for any distraction, alarmed to realize we were in his bedroom. Not an outer chamber, not a sitting room. A enormous, four-poster bed loomed over us in the corner. And along the walls...

“Weapons? Even here?”

Zane turned to look at me, cool and calm as you like.

“Well they’re not for enemies, if that’s what you mean, Shardae.”

My first wash of anger at the tone in his voice was quickly subsumed by embarrassment. Somehow, somehow, these whips and blades were for use in a serpiente bedroom.

I looked furiously at the floor, eyes following the intricate swirls and patterns of the thick woven rug. I would not loose my temper with him, I would not blush-- but what was left to me? He’d asked me already not to hide when we were here in the serpent lands. But I’d used up all my pretending in the synkal. More than, truth be told. I’d done things to him I’d never dreamed of doing to a man in public, let alone Zane Cobriana, scourge of the battlefield. So now, as I stood in his war room of a bedroom, I had nothing left to give him but fear or anger.

And I would not show him fear.

I met his eyes, resettled in my own steel core at last. I was ready to tell him off, to inform him that I had no idea what purpose weapons had in a bedroom--

But the hard, whipcord-ready Zane that had been beside me all day was gone.

He still wore his usual expression, lightly amused, seeming somehow always at the expense of the viewer. But his eyes...

They told such stories about Cobriana eyes. How they could bewitch and bespell. Keep an avian soldier locked captive, hypnotized by bottomless, swirling red. I was captive now, but it wasn’t through any magic, other than the oldest magic of pure attraction. Those eyes were beautiful, and heartbreaking.

He looked at me, ready for my anger, ready for me to lash out--ready to shut down. I could see it as plainly as if words were written there: She’s going to shut me out. I didn’t know how not to shut him out, it was the only response I had that wouldn’t lead to more fighting. But I wanted, more than anything in the world at the moment, to not let him down.

When I didn’t snap at him, his eyebrows rose. Just by degrees--and in fact, I probably wouldn’t have noticed it if I hadn’t been so intent on his eyes--but enough. I had surprised him.

Emboldened by that, I took a step forward.

“H-how is your hand?”

The words clung to my throat, as if trying to stick on the way out. Ladies did not dress wounds from street brawls. Ladies did not know of street brawls. But I held out my hand for his, as if I would know at all what to do with it if he gave it to me.

Zane smirked, turning back to the basin.

“It’s not even my blood, mostly. Just grazed the skin of my knuckle on that idiot’s teeth.”

He gave me his back, and I didn’t know what to make of it. There was still a tension in the air, but it wasn’t one I understood. Or had any idea what to do with. Should I pursue him? To what end? We’d retreated to his bedroom because I’d become overwhelmed by the violence in the market. The room we retreated to seemed to hold just as much potential for the same. What could I possibly do in this room that would bring this hard man any comfort?

And yet, his eyes had been so soft...

“I’m sorry he spoke of you that way. I know it must have been very shocking.”

I laughed, I couldn’t help it. Of all the things he could have said.

“Not half so shocking as my alastair punching him in the face for mere words.”

Zane turned to look at me then, blinking in surprise.

“It means “protector” right? Alastair?”

I nodded, my own eyes widened at his knowledge of our language--and for the first time, it occurred to me to be surprised that our peoples shared the same tongue, more or less.

Zane shrugged. “Well, what else would you have had me do, my pretty pair bond? If this had happened in your golden Keep, how would an avian alastair have defended your honor?”

I sighed as I gave up and sat on the bed. It was suddenly so much less intimidating than the conversation at hand.

“Honestly? I have no idea. This scene simply wouldn’t have happened in the Keep. If anyone had had such opinions, it would have taken too much strong drink to bring that out in public. And that wouldn’t have happened in the open court.” I dropped my eyes. “I think. Honestly, I’m realizing I don’t have any idea how my people live or think at all. My Keep has probably not been especially reflective of my people’s Keep.”

How much did the halls I walked through change when my guards came into view? Zane walked among his people openly, only the threat of his own hot temper and willingness to use it to keep him safe. They laughed and joked and argued with and brawled with their monarch. They loved him, with all the mess and confusion that real love entailed.

The only person I’d ever fought with was Rei, and maybe my mother. No one argued with the Tuuli Thea, not once she’d pulled that mantle around her. And no one offered her heir anything but pretty smiles and polite greetings. I couldn’t imagine one of them raising their voice to me, let alone striking me.  
But the sound of flesh meeting flesh still rang in my mind, Zane’s fist colliding neatly and tidily with the man’s mouth. He’d reacted instantly and thoroughly, turning to offer those same bloodied hands to me before the man had even hit the floor.

They were clean now, at least of visible stain, but I would never unsee that sprinkle of blood.

“Danica...”

Those hand reached to me now, then fell almost instantly back to his side. Zane turned away again, leaning against the wall to unlace his boots. Those boots I’d been so titillated to think of coming off just moments before.

“I’d meant to take you to your own chambers. Bringing you back here was a mistake. Your guard is waiting just outside; they and mine can show you all to your rooms. I’m sorry for distressing you.”

His eyes were on his laces, so many laces. I knew it would be easier to handle them sitting down. Or even, to have someone else undoing them.

I sat frozen, knowing I’d been released--dismissed--but unable to move. Those garnet eyes held me still, even as they remained downcast.

“It’s only natural,” I ventured, “to bring your Naga back to your own bedroom.”

Those piercing eyes met mine. I held my chin high, returning his look as levelly as I could. My heart thundered in my throat, so loud I thought I might miss his words if he spoke. I did not, however, miss his scoff.

“Danica. You’ve been awake for over 36 hours. You’re tired, I’m tired, and unless you can honestly tell me that sex would be truly welcome, there’s no need to keep being brave. Go to your room. Sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

I’d been ready to agree with him, right up until he’d told me to go to my room. I was not a child. I might not be as worldly as he, but I was his equal. And I would be treated as such. If I ran now, if I let him send me off to bed like a frightened child, I would never gain back this ground.

“And if I don’t want to leave,” I said with more boldness than I felt.

The long, hard look he gave me made my toes curl, but it also strengthened my resolve.

“And do you truly want to stay?”

His eyes flicked meaningfully to the wall behind me, and it’s rows of “bedroom weapons”. My jaw tightened.

“I will not be threatened by my alastair,” I threw back at him, putting heavy emphasis on the last word. “And my Diente clearly has other subjects to unleash his temper on.”

Zane laughed. He laughed. I almost shrieked at him to take me seriously, but even I recognized how childish that would have been. But before I could think of what to say, he pushed away from the wall, padding on silent barefoot feet to the wall in question.

I swallowed my heart back down, back stiff and straight, though I could not keep myself from turning to watch him.

He took down a short whip, tails wide and thin, no longer than his forearm. He ran the ends through his hands, stroking it like a pet. My stomach rolled, muscles taunt and screaming at me to flee, flee, a scream building in the back of my throat. But my only outward concession was to clench my fists in my lap, and to keep my jaw tightly set.

“What must you think of me,” he mused, caressing his instrument of torture. “Zane Cobriana, serpiente demon. Scourge of good little chickens everywhere.”

He turned to me with a quirked eyebrow, drawing the whip through his hands with a quick snap. I jumped, I couldn’t help it. But I did not scream. I thought I might have bitten a hole in my cheek, however.

“This little darling is called a scourge, did you know that, Danica?” He stalked forward, planting one bare foot on the end of the bed, leaning over to rest his weight on an arm draped carelessly on his leg. The scourge hung limp and lifeless in his hand, but my skin was still tight with the sound of that snap.

“No, of course you wouldn’t. Good little househen like you. You’ve never seen something like this, have you, my Naga?”

My eyes had been transfixed on the scourge, but at his sarcastic “my Naga” my head whipped up, eyes narrowing at they met his.

“What do want from me, Zane?” The words came out in a tight whisper, almost a hiss. “Do you want my fear? Do you want me to cower before you, like your subjects in the market? Oh you sure showed them, didn’t you? Brave king, ready to strike foe and friend alike. Do you want me to beg, my Diente? Do you want me to scream and cry and beg for mercy?”

My breath came out ragged as my shoulders heaved, the sheer effort to keeping my voice down like lifting a mountain.

“No.”

The word was so soft, so careful, I almost thought it was just the hiss of the scourge as it slid through his hands. But he pushed away, returning to the wall and replacing the scourge. His shoulders rolled forward, reminding me of how defeated he’d looked, hunching over the basin.

“No, Danica, I do not. Very much the opposite, if you’d believe.”

He turned and leaned against the wall, as if it was the only thing holding him up.

“I’m tired, Dani. I don’t have the energy to explain myself to you tonight. There is too much gulf between us, too many miles to cross. I would love to give myself over to your tender attentions tonight, but I do not have the strength to hold your hand through it. Please leave me to the comforts of my own bed, and seek what you can from yours. Goodnight, Danica.”

I watched him, leaning there his head tipped back and his eyes closed. He was so beautiful, and I allowed myself a moment longer to watch him than I should have, knowing he’d asked me to go, but savoring this moment to simply look at him, without the pressure of his returned gaze.

“Adelina!”

I jumped at his call, and at the door opening to admit the lithe, pale guard. She took in Zane against his wall of toys, me, perched and cowering on the bed, Zane’s boots discarded in the corner. It might have been my imagination, but I could have sworn she smirked at me. Rei, in the doorway just behind her, did not. His eyes stayed fixed dead ahead, seeing everything but not taking it in.

Adelina took another swaying step into the room, and she did smirk when she took in Zane.

“Yes, my Diente?”

“My Naga is ready to retire.”

She arched an eyebrow as she looked to me. Whatever she might have said, though, was cut off by Rei shouldering his way into the room. His eyes met mine, before I dropped my gaze to my lap.

“Shardae?”

I just nodded, shaky, too fast. In an absolute breach of protocol, Rei reached out to take my hands, pulling me to my feet. I let him lead me from the room, giving over to a lifetime of habit, yielding every bit of ground I’d just fought for from Zane. I should say something before I left, do something...

But as I turned to look back at him, all I saw was Adelina, squarely between me and my pair bond. She had Zane’s hand in hers, looking over the grazed knuckles. Tending to him as I could not.

I fled.


	4. Random solo smut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danica tries to unwind and come to terms with herself as a sexual being

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd forgotten I'd added this bit to the the first little blurt of a thing before being taken over by the wild urge to re-write it all. I still really like this energy, seeing a Danica that determined, active, and taking charge of her own life. There's a real dynamic interplay between her personality and her upbringing that is what I always imagined Zane loving about her. This is the Danica that will learn to dance and rise to the freedom that courting a serpent brings her. This is a Danica that will be beloved of both her people, and will walk the lines of both worlds with grace.
> 
> This is also a Danica that fucks ;)

Though Zane made every attempt to hide it, his dark mood persisted for the rest of the day. In front of avians who had not spent as much time with him as I had recently, he must have simply seemed more subdued than usual-- a favorable turn in the eyes of the court, with which we spent most of the day.

The two serpiente merchants, however, exchanged worried glances during the short conversation they had with Zane and me while we were circulating the market.

“It has been a trying few days,” Zane apologized as he excused himself early that evening.

The sky was well past dark and court had begun to tire when I politely followed Zane’s lead. I wanted to talk to him, but what would I say? I did care for him in a way; and lusted after him, certainly. But I knew that the wary affection and chaste kisses that were all I could currently manage were not what he sought and would bring him little comfort.

Thinking of what he sought brought color to my cheeks, and did speed my pulse, a bit. But I thought it more had to do with daring to imagine him in bed than with any actual interest in his... flavor, as he’d put it.

I lay restless above the covers, skin too hot and tight to bear the idea of anything against them. I smirked at the thought of the scandal of laying there openly nude--in the privacy of my own bed chambers. I sighed. It was easy to be brave here, alone and in the dark. Could I be as brave if Zane lay here beside me? I’d already woken up with a hand pressed to his bare chest once. How much more courage would it take to do more than just sleep beside him?

My hand trailed idly over my breasts at the thought of him, gentle touches, lingering at my nipples. Pain that could be pleasure, he’d said... Experimentally, I pinched, catching the nipple between two of my nails. It brought a gasp from my lips, and certainly sped my pulse, but...

I rolled my nipples experimentally, touching myself more now than I normally dared. It wasn’t that my people didn’t have sex--I wasn’t some fool hatchling, I knew where children came from--it was just that we did so privately. I knew what sorts of dances went on in the lower reaches of the serpiente dancers’ nest, far from where any children might wander. I also knew the sorts of dances performed openly in the synkal--in full view of women and children alike. Our folk didn’t even discard their shirts in summer during hot labor. In the synkal, I’d seen men and women both in sheer tops or less, their beauty a form of worship to their goddess. Was what I was doing now something they would consider sacred?

I was raised that to revere something was to put it on a pedestal, to keep it tucked safely away, shielded and protected from all, enjoyed only in private. The serpiente saw that sort of treatment as a form of disrespect, wasting what the goddess had blessed them with.

Was I wasting my beautiful pair bond now, by letting him sleep alone?

The answer to that question was easy: yes. Very yes. I hadn’t needed my run in with him and Adelina in the hall to tell me that. No, all that had done was given me a very physical, very specific example of the sorts of things Zane was craving--and was far too polite to ask of me. I scoffed, wondering what the hoverhens at court would think of it if they knew how deferential of me Zane truly was.

And then I was back to frustrated thoughts of how stifling and sheltered my life had been, and how stunted I truly felt. Was this why mother had reacted with such outrage at the Mistari camps? Had everyone but me known the serpiente’s dirty little secret, that they liked deviant sex?

How could it even be called “deviant” when our culture had no sex at all to compare to? I sent my hand lower, determined to pleasure myself, determined not to be held back by this spectre of purity that no longer applied to me. I was a married woman. I was allowed to have sex with my husband. I was expect to have and raise heirs.

And for the first time in generations, I might actually live to see them all grown up, and have children of their own.

On that less than arousing thought, I gave up and padded to the bathroom. If I couldn’t make any progress physically, and I certainly wasn’t going to sleep, then I may as well try to work at the knots I still had to untangle mentally. After a quick bath in unbelievably cold water, I dressed and sought out my oldest friend for advice.

-


	5. A random tender Zanica moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zane and Danica share a moment, and possibly their first kiss? IDK, i'm not super grounded in where I think this goes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had *intended* this to be a scene were Zane awkwardly explains a little BDSM culture to Danica, but instead they did this. WHY ARE THESE TWO SO SOFT OMG CAN'T I WRITE *ONE* KINKY SCENE YOU TWO PLZ!!!!

“Danica. There’s no delicate way to put this so I’m just going to be blunt.”

“You’re a beautiful woman, and you’re unattached. You are going to receive advances, unless we telegraph that you are not open to such things.”

Zane raked his fingers through his hair, clearly stalling. I thought about saying that if this was his way of being blunt he was doing a terrible job, but I recognized that quips wouldn’t make this difficult conversation any easier.

“While no one would ever violate your bodily autonomy, I’ve already seen first hand that your idea of appropriate and harmless interactions do not match that of my people.” He cut off with a frustrated sigh, giving me fiercely desperate eye contact. “I’m trying to avoid a war here, Danica. I have no idea how to prep you for what you’re going to face in the synkal. There’s just too many differences--“

I cut him off by laying a hand on his shoulder. It wasn’t much, but he knew me well enough by now to be stilled by what surely to his standards was a “harmless and innocent” gesture.

“Speak to me plainly, Zane. I understand the difficulties we both face. Speak as you would to one of your own people, and I stop you and ask for clarification as needed.”

He looked so lost. Those dark eyes that once thrilled me now simply moved me to pity. I wanted to offering him comfort in a way that would mean something to _him_ , to chase that look from those beautiful eyes. His wasn’t a face to be shadowed and haunted; it was made for joy. The few times I’d seen him truly smile-- I would move mountains for that look. A hug was surely not to great a cost.

I stepped into him, intended to do just that, but he pulled away.

“Not now, please. I appreciate the gesture, but having your body up against mine will not make this talk any easier.”

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks and I let it, finally accustomed to letting my emotions show around Zane. It was still too much for public, but here with just the two of us, I let the blush color my face and aura alike. It earned me a ghost of Zane’s normal smile, and that did much to make my embarrassment sit more comfortably. I retreated a step and wrapped my arms around my middle, a compromise from the soldier’s clasped hands that I wanted to shield myself with.

“Please.” I was amazed at how even my voice came out. “Go on.”

Zane turned away and began to pace. I watched the lyrical motion in fascination, always bespelled by the music I could see in his movements.

“Ours is an expressive culture, Danica, one that worships beauty and physicality as gifts from our goddess, to be admired. And shared. Being someone’s mate is not a reason to turn down a dance, a kiss, an evening--” He cut off again with a vigorous shake of his head. “I don’t know how to take you among my people. If I withhold you from them on some sort of pedestal, I don’t know how they’ll take it. I want them to embrace your people as allies, but they will want to do that in away that I _know_ you’ll find overwhelming. And while there are roles and rules that protect your rights, there are just certain misunderstandings that are bound to come up. I don’t want to paint you as the cold, icy avian they’re all expecting, but I don’t know how to protect you!”

The last was so impassioned, so, so _desperate_ that it took my breath away. I felt my heart pounding away in my throat, choking out any word or thought. Protect me. Zane Cobriana wanted to protect me.

I had to remind myself of the cultural differences. He hadn’t meant it with the same contextual weight that an alastair would. But... Oh, just hearing him saying made my pulse race and my fingers clench into the soft fabric of my gown.

“Say something,” he asked softly. “I can feel so much from you right now, but I don’t... I can’t read it. I don’t know what all this means.”

He gestured around my body in a way that I knew he meant as my aura, but I couldn’t help but imagine as something more literal. The thought of his hands on me, all that heat and passion... I shivered. I couldn’t help but wonder how it looked in the “all this” of my aura.

“This means,” I said after a careful breath, “that that was probably the best thing you could have possibly said.” I wanted to go to him. I willed myself to stay rooted to the spot. “And I am struggling to remind myself of all those cultural differences, and that what you meant and what I heard probably don’t match up.”

He took that step I could not, then another, and another, until I could feel the heat of him in the little space that remained between us. I dropped my gaze, giddy and dizzy and utterly unable to look at him. I wanted his arms around me. I wanted to raise my face to his, to hear him say it again, to press my lips to his...

“I do want to protect you.”

My knees went weak, and I had to brace myself on his arms to keep from falling. His hands were suddenly around my waist, holding me up, all solitious concern.

“Danica, are you alri--“

I cut him off by raising my face to his, my lips wordless but still conveying all the meaning I couldn’t figure out how to say.


	6. Is This Anything?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My first run at "omg here's the big reveal about the hawks, serpiente, and falcons". Don't love it, but don't want to lose it, have some chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obviously, spoilers for Ties That Bind

“I can’t let you go to the island.”

“They have Rei!”

“They have Sebastian!”

My mother’s aura lashed against my skin, sharper than I’d ever felt it. I didn’t know if that was from all the time I’d spent with Zane, or if this was hurting her more than I’d ever seen. Either way, her reaction cooled mine; I always met fire with ice.

“They have one of our people. I don’t care who they were born, they have lived as one of my closest friends. I will return as much loyalty as I have been shown.”

I knew from the slight flinching around her eyes that she caught my intended double meaning. I was tired of butting heads. I was queen; she was not. I valued her experience and advice, but I was done letting her make my decisions for me.

“Danica. Please hear me out. I cannot let you go to that island, and my reasoning has nothing to do with Rei.”

The resignation in her voice held my tongue. I would hear her out. There was no reason to not to.

My mother sighed and settled back into her seat, obviously trying to compose herself. Had she always been this emotive? Surely not.

“You know of our tenuous relations with Ahnmik.”

Every Shardae did. The representative of the White Island would meet with no less than entire royal family. I had always thought it was particularly cruel that they demand we assemble and make it painfully clear how few of us there were left. Especially when once the presentation was done, they always retired with the queen alone to another room. Not even the queen’s alastair was allowed to attend. It had always been a sticking point with Rei that he would never stand for it when I was queen. That childish insistence sat in a sour new way in light of his heritage. How must it have galled him, to watch his cousin? aunt? grandparent? torture his new family in such a cruel way.

“I would have told you of the deal, had I been able to. Falcon magic--” She cut off with a wince, and I realized the words physically pained her. She shook her head and tried again

“Each queen swore certain oaths. You’ve felt the power of your oath was Tuuli Thea; swearing to a falcon pales in comparisson to that. You cannot imagine--“

This time when she stopped, it was clear she was only trying to gather her thoughts. I could sense she was speaking around something, and it wasn’t hard to guess what.

“Can you speak of the deal itself?” I asked. Perhaps she would not be prevented from asking a direct question--especially from her sworn queen.

My mother nodded, suddenly seeming so small, so tired.

“The bargain is thus: If the Tuuli Thea would consent to becoming a subject of Ahnmik, the empire would utterly destroy our enemies. That level of destruction would be enough to stay my hand, but the true horror for myself and our mothers before us was the required reciprocity.”

The pain in her eyes made my stomach drop. I felt at the edge of the precipice, the wind whipping at me to suck me down. I wanted to turn from the room, to hide from whatever she might say next. I could turn away, I could return to my small problems of my small kingdom. I knew with a certainty that whatever my mother said next would change my world forever.

“Every bargain with Ahnmik was to be sealed with a child. A falcon child would be given to the Keep, a Shardae daughter would be sent to the White Island to live as the Empress’s own. I was never told what would be done with her, because such a sacrifice was simply unthinkable.”

I thought of my own daughter, so small and vulnerable in my own belly. Ahnmik had already tried to take her from me before she had even been born. Would it be easier to part with one if I didn’t know she would be my last? No, it didn’t bear thinking about. On this my mother and I completely agreed.

[spoilers ahead]

Okay. Okay. So my idea is that Cjarsa is holding the whole island in stillness, and ...Syfka? Araceli? IDK i'll probably just throw a dart at a board with their smug ass faces on them and see where it lands, is trying to keep civilization afloat by introducing some Anhamirak magic to the island/family/idk. Something. But basically they go to each queen and they're like "give us a daughter, we'll train her up as a falcon or whatever, and her lingering half of the Dasi magic will like, keep us all from turning into eternal statues. Oh and also we're literally making the same deal to the serpents, we literally do not care which one of you becomes our pawns, whichever one says yes we'll keep and the other we'll wipe off the face of the earth so your weirdo destructo magic can't kill us all. So like, yeah. Also, we aren't just like, able to do a mind whammy or whatever cause our persuasion magic only works if you've EVER EVEN KIND OF had the thought we're trying to amp up with the power of suggestion, and like NOT A SINGLE. FUCKING. ONE OF YOU. has ever been like "Yeah, become a part of the falcon empire. Wipe out our enemies. Rule the world or whatever." So like FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID SCALES AND/OR FEATHERS but also can we have like a kid or whatever? Just one? Pretty pleeeeeeease? And also our god won't let us just take you cause even though he's the god of bondage or whatever SUBMISSIVES STILL HAVE SAFEWORDS AND AUTONOMY AND SHIT and we can only take you over if you willingly consent to it. Cause otherwise seriously, we'd have wiped the floor with your puny asses GENERATIONS AGO. ... So, uh, how bout it? Sound good?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, this scenelette
> 
> The empress sighed. It filled the hall with the feeling of a thousand fluttering wings, trapped and exhausted but still beating themselves against the glass.
> 
> "We were just children then, did you know? Younger than even you are now. We were given the power to destroy worlds. It was all I could do to see to it that we only destroyed ourselves."


End file.
